At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
