we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
So squirting runs in the family.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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