there were more penises there than on chat roulette
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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