I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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