He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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