Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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