Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
