Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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