she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
it was like eating out sand paper
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
i think i just lost a toe
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
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