I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
