Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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