so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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