She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Randomize
