Please, let me fuck your mom
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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