She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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