Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
