im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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