I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
