Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I AM VODKA MAN
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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