Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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