Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I smell like Dick and happiness
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
