so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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