i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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