Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
this will be a night to untag.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
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