Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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