i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
They have beer where we have blood.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
