summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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