we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
