So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Randomize
