Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
