I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
