On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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