Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
