i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
