Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
