We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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