"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
