Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
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