i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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