peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
