Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
