he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
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