my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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