she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Randomize
