wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
