I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
