I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
