You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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