I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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