I like my sex mixed with concussions.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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