You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
