I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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