I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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