my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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