I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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